I haven't written on xanga in literally a year.Seriously.It feels pretty good to update.Well,things have been ideal,and I am not even fabricating.Honestly,I don't know what happened over the past couple months but I am on fantastic terms with everybody,Including my exes and my parents.Me and Michelle are completely back to normal,it's just like old times.Lately,I've been a little stressed about college.I only applied to Quinnipiac and Albertus and I am petrified neither will accept me.Honestly,If I don't get accepted by any of them I am pretty sure I'd cry or kill myself.Either one.Senioritis has got the best of me,especially this month.Knowing that in a week and a couple days I'll be on break isn't something that is very motivating towards school and such.I really hope that I get an acceptance letter from Quinnipiac,thats mainly all I want for Christmas (Well,that and Ugg boots,but I can go without the Uggs if it means going to Quinnipiac)

I just saw the Princess and The Frog and it made me really excited about my family's Disney's trip.I started dieting in september,so far I lost 11 pounds,29 to go.I hope to be 110 by June and 130 by Feburary.It's a pretty good start.I just don't wanna be fat in College,because I was fat for most of my high school career.Once I get down to 120,I promised myself a monroe and by the time I get down to 120 I'll have my braces off.Soooo...yeah,it'll all work outt:]

Betty Paige!(The Old school suicide Girl)

Rebirth.

     Theres something eating away at me and it is only feasting as I grow older..My parasite made me paralytic,I will constantly keep on track at decreasing velocity.I will accept inevitabilty,I will grow old,I will grow numb and fervorless.I will clock in and clock out,I will buy things I don't need,all to keep me busy.All to shut me up.These distractions are like perminate scabs to claw at,only to make worse as time slips from idle fingers.The American dream is a rather ironic epidemic;it eats away our freedom.We mind the biological clock,the disappearing hairline,fiscal satisfaction,but what we don't mind is the time they waste ,trying to keep busy.Here we are in the same place forever,our sad inevitabilites.Our boring robotic perfunctory life.We are all stuck in this funhouse,trying to find a way out of this labyrinth.

I was sweating out  cabin fever since the day I was born

to erase the place

that made me

torn-up the map to home that's foreign.

I made a floorplan to avoid inevitability.I decided that I will catheterize the disease and make myself new.

a little ditty.

I like the confi-confi-

dents in your ego.

the shroud to your personality

fingers crossed for normality.

because it's not about whats real

it's how it looks formally.

it's about swag,the tag,the label on the clothes and the name on the bag.

it's not about where the heart is,but how it's clad.

Fuck (a poem)

Necessary

rejection of affection

to shift  attention

from

Bedroom Baby Blues

 to ploys of entry that ensue

and try your hardest not to fuck it up

and just fuck

because in the end

we lie alone

because we die alone

and let life go

as the dial tone drones

on a hook up

we can't hang up

because all we have are the nameless

faceless

grace-less 

digits in a phone

and forty second fornication

and bodies being sold.

We move on to the next

because we are all a community concubine

a societal whore.

just skin and appendages

catfights and galore

it's just fucking

nothing more.